Sunday, September 13, 2009

I HATE CONFRONTATION

Confrontation has always been a problem for me. Rather the correct way to go about it. To resolve conflicts and end resentments. The absolute worst thing I have ever had to do was to fire some one. Not many years ago I was a department manager responsible for my employees. To have to "let someone go" was agony. I would get physically ill, nausea, my whole body shaking.

Though that is not what I have going on today, I thought it important to mention, so I could better convey my reluctance to confront others with unpleasant business.

In the past I would let my displeasure with the words or actions of others go on until I exploded, this never turned out well. The only other option I had, if possible, was to completely remove myself from the person that I had allowed to hurt me. When confronted by others I become very defensive, rejecting the thought I could possible be wrong. So, I have done a good job of losing a great many relationship by my inability to confront and resolve problems.

Today, I am learning to face problems with others, as painfull as it may be, in hopes to continue, improve and re-establish relationships with those I care for, both friends and family. It seems, I must also look at my part in these conflicts, to consider what I may have done to contribute and be prepared to be confronted with facts I never considered. Understanding that the problem may not be resolved, my efforts rejected is a possibility, I am finding, for which I must also prepare.

When all is said and done, I pray most of all, that I hold no resentments. That I may have the ability to let go, to put difficult issues behind me, to enjoy the relationships I have, to love without condition. God help me confront, applying spiritual principles, to resolve conflicts.

3 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed reading your blog. I think fear of confrontation has a lot to do with the fear of being and/or doing something wrong. I found often when people fear confrontations n they have low-self-esteem issues and tend to handle feeling wrong internally negative. In other cases it is a fear that they are going to do something wrong or hurt someone. In your case getting physically sick about firing someone is simply a reaction to you internalizing the task.
    You seem to be a spiritual open person and a believer in God, am I right? Firing someone is life changing and being a compassionate person you sympathized with the person your firing. You put yourself in their shoes and you know how it would feel if someone said that to you. You didn’t have that turn off button to shout down your personal feelings.
    Sometimes in personal relationships we are afraid if we say our true feelings we will hurt the people we love. We are afraid of rejection so we keep our opinions to ourselves in hope that we don’t drive the person away. What happens is we can only keep so much in before we explode and when we explode it like a bomb, bystander get hit my stray emotional bullets.
    I find that best thing to do when facing confrontation is to have an open understanding mind. When you’re in a situation where you’re going to face conformation take a second to think before reacting. Speak with a kinds words and a understand heart. Express your feeling with an understanding of the other persons feeling, Always admitted to yourself that you could be wrong and keep that open in your argument or discussions.

    You ask God to help you with your confrontation issues and he will give you situations to work on and practice dealing with confrontations. This is my opinion and I hope it helps a little. I will be back checking on your blogs, keep up the good work.

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  2. Let go and grow. :-)

    Nice blog!
    Charlene
    http://beamingbalance.blogspot.com/

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  3. The trouble is with facing up to people, is it triggers the thought that you might be in the wrong yourself. It is subconscious, so while you nkow that you need to face up to things, there is always that doubt niggling, making you feel ill.

    Take a deep breath, decide where to start and go for it. I'd say start with those closest to you first. They are more likely to understand if you get it wrong.

    And remember, as long as you hold onto something, you are living in the past. As long as you fear something, you are living in the future. Live in the present for that is where you are now. Do not hold on, and do not fear. Simply live.

    http://hschacko.blogspot.com

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