That is where I was four years ago, the insanity of my life that had been growing for years increased at an alarming rate in September, 2005. The never ending thoughts of despair had turned me into someone I no longer knew. Everywhere I was trapped, my job involved every area of my life. The money, my home, friends and family members were all linked to my employment. The job I had loved so much, now was only a burden. The medication I abused turned me into a zombie, I couldn't remember anything. Cornered, I lashed out at everyone I cared about, I needed relief. I could not find anyone that truly understood. Without hope, I turned to street drugs that provided a temporary illusion of relief adding to the despair. When the effects wore off, all I could think of was more. My employer and family had tried in vain to help. It had to end. Sitting in a hotel room alone with no money, no hope and as I believed no one left in my life I reached out to help lines that didn't help. The only thing left was 911..... The date was October 11, 2005.
The hotel manager, then police and an ambulance arrived (long pause here, the memory is so painful). I was taken to a mental health facility, the staff called my wife, that, to my surprise, came straight away to see me. After a few days, she presented me with a brochure for a drug treatment center. After reading it, I asked her, "but do they have a program for me"? I knew there was something wrong with my brain, but I could not accept that I might be an addict. I only used the drugs for relief from my torment.
At the treatment center it did not take long for me to realize the mistake. I was educated about the nature of addiction and received some guidance to the nature of recovery. Once released, still lonely and afraid, with little family support remaining, I found my way, for the first time in my life, to others like me.
I FOUND HOPE. My new friends and God have led me to a new life, something different, and a new way of thinking. Gradually, over the past four years my life has become more managable, no longer needing chemicals to change the way I feel. Destroyed relationships are beginning to regrow. Today life is good. While yet a work in progress I look forward to each new day to improve as I attempt to live a principled (GOD) centered life.
On Monday, October 12, I will celebrate the anniversary of my new life with friends and family.